The TOMGIRLZ chapter books are all about creating characters that are role models for girls. They display strength of character, respect for themselves and others, and an attitude that they can achieve anything in life they choose to reach for.
All mothers hope their young daughters will grow up to be achieving women one day. They will be our leaders and healers and saviors. The more role models and positive messages our young girls receive the more they will realize that making dreams come true lies in their own hands.
It's really important to celebrate the women in history that paved the way. As early as the 1970's there was very little serious study of women's history, but thankfully today nearly every college offers courses in women's history. Partially the shift is due to the women's movement of the 60's. Women became tired of being virtually invisible behind the hands of men and started speaking out and acting out. In the 70's the emphasis of history changed from being primarily political to including an array of American Life topics such as public health, ethnic culture, and urban poverty which also increased awareness of women in history.
The date March 8, 1957 was the initial day of demonstration in the U.S. celebrating the strengths and accomplishments of girls and women. In 1981 the celebration became known as "National Women's History Week" and in 1987 it was expanded to include the entire month of May.
Celebrating the accomplishments of women is important for our girls. The more they learn from other women who are courageous, smart, entrepreneurial, and leaders in the world, the more they will feel empowered themselves. The true sign of a role model for girls, however, is that all these great things are done with the absence of jealousy, cliques, and "cattiness."
I want my daughter to excel and be a leader, but I want her to always do so with a kind heart. Then we'll always have something to celebrate.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Positive Messages Must Be Repeated
If you are the mother of an awesome, good humored, high spirited young girl like I am, you want her to stay that way. But as our tweens become teens, it is evident that many girls change. Why? Well, there are many reasons, but if we as mothers stay aware and repeat the positive messages our girls need to hear over and over and over, I believe we have a chance of winning the battle.
Here are some things I worry about:
1. One bad teacher
I've seen this happen more than once. A child can have straight A's in 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade....all of a sudden she gets into 4th grade (or whatever grade in which the child is placed with the "bad" teacher) and the grades mysteriously drop! Unfortunately, the child may not go back to the straight A's even after moving on to a new teacher. This can be due to falling behind and not being able to catch up, or perhaps because self confidence turns into self doubt. I don't think teachers intend to be "bad" for any child. Sometimes the teaching style just doesn't match the child's learning style. It is unfortunate that in the day of large classes teachers do not take the time to figure out how each student learns (visual, auditory, tactile...) Students are left to figure things out no matter how it is fed to them instead of the teacher adapting to the needs of each child.
What to do? First, follow grades and mood changes very closely so any problems can be caught immediately. If changing teachers is not possible, you will need to assist in every way with homework and checking papers, and any other support you can give. You could also get a tutor if possible and sit in on some of those sessions. Either way, talk positively to your child and never yell or punish. Children never want their grades to drop; there is always a reason. Be encouraging and repeat the "you can do it" messages constantly.
2. Peers
Your child's friends don't have to be "bad" to have what you may consider to be a negative influence. They may simply have different beliefs or priorities that you don't share. Don't get me wrong...this doesn't mean you should ban your child from being friends with anyone who is different from you. Quite the contrary, I think it is very important to not only be around people who are different, but to learn from them. The problem is when your child changes who she is to impress them or feels like she has to change herself to fit in.
What to do if you see your child changing to fit in?
This is going to take lots of talk, talk, talk. Don't ever put others down to show that your way is right; instead ask your child to discuss the differences she sees. What she likes, what makes her uncomfortable, anything at all to get her talking. Explain that there are many differences in people; that's what makes our world so rich. It's okay to learn about the beliefs and ways of others and those people can be great friends as long as they are willing to learn about and respect you too. It's a two way street.
Example:
My daughter was always very strong and competitive. In gymnastics she was surrounded by others just like her and she was an achiever. Later, she left gymnastics for dance and acrobatics. She became very good friends with the girls in the dance company. This was also a competitive team, but the girls' priorities were different. They were more into socializing and winning wasn't as important. I watched as my daughter's own priorities changed. She got a dance solo, but didn't practice as hard as she normally would. She started to complain more and didn't put more than 75% into her training when it used to be 110%. When I discussed it with her, she told me that she was afraid that if she worked so hard the other girls would think she was a show off. It took lots of talk for her to understand that the other girls weren't wrong for how they were, but they certainly wouldn't be upset with her for being a winner!
Staying on top of these situations and constantly talking and repeating positive messages can be exhausting, but it is absolutely necessary and isn't it rewarding to see your child not only maintain her bright spirit, but be a leader by passing it onto others?
Here are some things I worry about:
1. One bad teacher
I've seen this happen more than once. A child can have straight A's in 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade....all of a sudden she gets into 4th grade (or whatever grade in which the child is placed with the "bad" teacher) and the grades mysteriously drop! Unfortunately, the child may not go back to the straight A's even after moving on to a new teacher. This can be due to falling behind and not being able to catch up, or perhaps because self confidence turns into self doubt. I don't think teachers intend to be "bad" for any child. Sometimes the teaching style just doesn't match the child's learning style. It is unfortunate that in the day of large classes teachers do not take the time to figure out how each student learns (visual, auditory, tactile...) Students are left to figure things out no matter how it is fed to them instead of the teacher adapting to the needs of each child.
What to do? First, follow grades and mood changes very closely so any problems can be caught immediately. If changing teachers is not possible, you will need to assist in every way with homework and checking papers, and any other support you can give. You could also get a tutor if possible and sit in on some of those sessions. Either way, talk positively to your child and never yell or punish. Children never want their grades to drop; there is always a reason. Be encouraging and repeat the "you can do it" messages constantly.
2. Peers
Your child's friends don't have to be "bad" to have what you may consider to be a negative influence. They may simply have different beliefs or priorities that you don't share. Don't get me wrong...this doesn't mean you should ban your child from being friends with anyone who is different from you. Quite the contrary, I think it is very important to not only be around people who are different, but to learn from them. The problem is when your child changes who she is to impress them or feels like she has to change herself to fit in.
What to do if you see your child changing to fit in?
This is going to take lots of talk, talk, talk. Don't ever put others down to show that your way is right; instead ask your child to discuss the differences she sees. What she likes, what makes her uncomfortable, anything at all to get her talking. Explain that there are many differences in people; that's what makes our world so rich. It's okay to learn about the beliefs and ways of others and those people can be great friends as long as they are willing to learn about and respect you too. It's a two way street.
Example:
My daughter was always very strong and competitive. In gymnastics she was surrounded by others just like her and she was an achiever. Later, she left gymnastics for dance and acrobatics. She became very good friends with the girls in the dance company. This was also a competitive team, but the girls' priorities were different. They were more into socializing and winning wasn't as important. I watched as my daughter's own priorities changed. She got a dance solo, but didn't practice as hard as she normally would. She started to complain more and didn't put more than 75% into her training when it used to be 110%. When I discussed it with her, she told me that she was afraid that if she worked so hard the other girls would think she was a show off. It took lots of talk for her to understand that the other girls weren't wrong for how they were, but they certainly wouldn't be upset with her for being a winner!
Staying on top of these situations and constantly talking and repeating positive messages can be exhausting, but it is absolutely necessary and isn't it rewarding to see your child not only maintain her bright spirit, but be a leader by passing it onto others?
Friday, December 26, 2008
New Year's Weight Loss: Top 4 Tips for Moms to Lose More
The new "Don't Label Me" book that will be published by Tomgirlz Enterprises in a couple months is all about empowerment for women. Although the book won't be out in time for New Year's, here are some tips provided in the book that may be helpful for your weight loss resolution.
1. Don't Label Yourself as Fat
If you call yourself fat all the time, you will see yourself as fat. This alone can
seriously affect you reaching your goal. The label you give yourself is what you
say you are. Understand that you may need to lose some weight, but fat is not who
you are.
2.Don't Allow Others to Label You
When others refer to you as fat, you subconsciously allow them to tell you that's who you are. You need to ask them to stop. Let them know that you are working on losing weight, but by labeling you as fat, they are making it more difficult.
3. Give Yourself Skinny Self Talk
Let's face it, of all the motivational speaches and pep talks you can get, the ones you give yourself are most important. You need to talk to yourself like the success you are. Give yourself messages like, "I'm a skinny person, I just need to shed a couple of pounds to see her again" or "I am a caring, loving,wonderful person, fat is not who I am, it does not define me, and now I will take care of myself as well as I take care of everyone else!"
4. Diet Plan for the Mind
When it comes to losing weight, I really believe that we all know how we are supposed to eat and exercise. Fewer calories in, more burned off through the day...certainly no cookies, cakes, and ice cream. The problem is, we simply don't (or many say can't). Cravings, pain from exercise, too busy with family and work, these are all "excuses" we use at one time or another. Unfortunately, our weight loss goals will wait. If you want to reach those goals, it all starts in your MIND. How you think must start before what you eat.
1. Don't Label Yourself as Fat
If you call yourself fat all the time, you will see yourself as fat. This alone can
seriously affect you reaching your goal. The label you give yourself is what you
say you are. Understand that you may need to lose some weight, but fat is not who
you are.
2.Don't Allow Others to Label You
When others refer to you as fat, you subconsciously allow them to tell you that's who you are. You need to ask them to stop. Let them know that you are working on losing weight, but by labeling you as fat, they are making it more difficult.
3. Give Yourself Skinny Self Talk
Let's face it, of all the motivational speaches and pep talks you can get, the ones you give yourself are most important. You need to talk to yourself like the success you are. Give yourself messages like, "I'm a skinny person, I just need to shed a couple of pounds to see her again" or "I am a caring, loving,wonderful person, fat is not who I am, it does not define me, and now I will take care of myself as well as I take care of everyone else!"
4. Diet Plan for the Mind
When it comes to losing weight, I really believe that we all know how we are supposed to eat and exercise. Fewer calories in, more burned off through the day...certainly no cookies, cakes, and ice cream. The problem is, we simply don't (or many say can't). Cravings, pain from exercise, too busy with family and work, these are all "excuses" we use at one time or another. Unfortunately, our weight loss goals will wait. If you want to reach those goals, it all starts in your MIND. How you think must start before what you eat.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
No Labels For Moms Too!
The "no labels" message for children through the TOMGIRLZ chapter book series applies to moms as well. There are plans underway for a book just for moms that will be very inspirational and motivational. This book is in its infancy stage, as I am still writing the next TOMGIRLZ chapter book where children will learn about childhood obesity, teasing, and bullying through a fabulous new Tomgirlz character named Abigail who is dealing with these issues.
The title has already been selected and chapters designated, but I won't give it away yet...check back for more info on this very exciting addition from Tomgirlz Enterprises.
The title has already been selected and chapters designated, but I won't give it away yet...check back for more info on this very exciting addition from Tomgirlz Enterprises.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Miami Book Fair Extra Fun Plans
This weekend will be the 4th year of exhibiting at the Miami Book Fair for Tomgirlz Enterprises. There are no new books out for this year's show, however, the plans for this weekend include more fun than ever!
Mackey and Jeremy (two main characters from the chapter books) will be in attendance all day Saturday and Sunday. They will be passing out information to attendees about the fact that they are now for hire for Children's Parties! In addition, every hour they will be drawing a winner from our free raffle and entertaining at our booth.
For instance, one hour Jeremy will dance and give a Pop & Lock lesson. Mackey will read the "Sleeyphead" book to preschoolers and give some dance demonstrations of her own. You might even catch a little dance party where Mackey and Jeremy lead everyone in some fun interactive dances like the Cuban Walk or ChaCha Slide!
The biggest news is the announcement of our new division called TOMGIRLZ ENTERTAINMENT. Through this division, we will promote Children's Parties, Author Speaking Engagements, and Salsa/Ballroom Dance Performers available for all kinds of events from corporate to weddings!!
We are all very excited for the upcoming year and look forward to seeing you at the Miami Book Fair!!
Mackey and Jeremy (two main characters from the chapter books) will be in attendance all day Saturday and Sunday. They will be passing out information to attendees about the fact that they are now for hire for Children's Parties! In addition, every hour they will be drawing a winner from our free raffle and entertaining at our booth.
For instance, one hour Jeremy will dance and give a Pop & Lock lesson. Mackey will read the "Sleeyphead" book to preschoolers and give some dance demonstrations of her own. You might even catch a little dance party where Mackey and Jeremy lead everyone in some fun interactive dances like the Cuban Walk or ChaCha Slide!
The biggest news is the announcement of our new division called TOMGIRLZ ENTERTAINMENT. Through this division, we will promote Children's Parties, Author Speaking Engagements, and Salsa/Ballroom Dance Performers available for all kinds of events from corporate to weddings!!
We are all very excited for the upcoming year and look forward to seeing you at the Miami Book Fair!!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
TOMGIRL IS MOTHER'S HERO & INSPIRATION
From the first moment my eyes met Jordynn I felt as close to her as any mother could to a baby. With thick, dark hair already reaching the top of her nose, I knew she was super special. What I didn’t know was that it could be possible for a bond that strong to grow even deeper and stronger through the years…It did!
To be honest, I think Jordynn pulled a bit of a role reversal on me. I was prepared to teach her all the things I knew at the times in her life she would need to know them. I wasn’t expecting that I would learn more about how to live life from her than she could ever learn from me.
I watched in awe as Jordynn drank in life day after day with a spirit and energy I never experienced myself. She can independently take on tasks and be happy on her own, but has such a kind heart that she always has room for others and is happy to share. For instance, every time my 90 year old grandmother came to visit us, Jordynn would be the one to say she could stay in her room. And hearts would melt every night when Jordynn would snuggle up in bed with her. She never showed anything but love and respect.
Mostly it is Jordynn’s ability to go after what she wants while always being herself that impresses me. She never sits on any fences. When she trained in gymnastics, it was with full effort. When she got invited into a dance company, she put her whole heart into it. Now Jordynn has decided that making the Olympics is her main goal (becoming a doctor is her goal after that!). So when she found out diving is an Olympic sport she asked to try it. After one week of dive camp she was invited onto the team!
Watching Jordynn grow and develop taught me that you can’t just sit around and watch life, you have to live it. Talk about inspirational, she inspired me to start writing children’s books…something I really wanted to do for most of my life. Jordynn finally gave me something to write about. The first character I created was of course based on Jordynn. Mackey Mack exemplifies energy, spirit, leadership skills, friendship, caring for community, sense of humor, and many more life skills that I see in Jordynn. Now 5 chapter books have been published in the TOMGIRLZ series and more are on the way.
Jordynn was born as my daughter whose dreams I wished would all come true, but she has grown into my best friend and hero who has taught me that dreams really CAN come true!
To be honest, I think Jordynn pulled a bit of a role reversal on me. I was prepared to teach her all the things I knew at the times in her life she would need to know them. I wasn’t expecting that I would learn more about how to live life from her than she could ever learn from me.
I watched in awe as Jordynn drank in life day after day with a spirit and energy I never experienced myself. She can independently take on tasks and be happy on her own, but has such a kind heart that she always has room for others and is happy to share. For instance, every time my 90 year old grandmother came to visit us, Jordynn would be the one to say she could stay in her room. And hearts would melt every night when Jordynn would snuggle up in bed with her. She never showed anything but love and respect.
Mostly it is Jordynn’s ability to go after what she wants while always being herself that impresses me. She never sits on any fences. When she trained in gymnastics, it was with full effort. When she got invited into a dance company, she put her whole heart into it. Now Jordynn has decided that making the Olympics is her main goal (becoming a doctor is her goal after that!). So when she found out diving is an Olympic sport she asked to try it. After one week of dive camp she was invited onto the team!
Watching Jordynn grow and develop taught me that you can’t just sit around and watch life, you have to live it. Talk about inspirational, she inspired me to start writing children’s books…something I really wanted to do for most of my life. Jordynn finally gave me something to write about. The first character I created was of course based on Jordynn. Mackey Mack exemplifies energy, spirit, leadership skills, friendship, caring for community, sense of humor, and many more life skills that I see in Jordynn. Now 5 chapter books have been published in the TOMGIRLZ series and more are on the way.
Jordynn was born as my daughter whose dreams I wished would all come true, but she has grown into my best friend and hero who has taught me that dreams really CAN come true!
Monday, September 1, 2008
ANTI-BULLYING STARTS AT HOME
As my next TOMGIRLZ book will deal with the issues of childhood obesity and bullying, I have been talking to my elementary school aged daughter more about what kind of bullying she notices. She says she sees it everywhere and that girls can be particularly mean to other girls. However, the most detailed account she gave me was very surprising.
In very vivid detail she told me the story of what happened one morning at the bus stop. A 9 year old boy was waiting for the bus with his mother and elderly grandfather. The bus was arriving and apparently the grandfather was in the process of crossing the street. The boy ran across the street quickly to board the bus and when he saw his grandfather still moving slowly he yelled out, "Get out of the way you big idiot!"
Then the mother, who jumped in her car to leave after talking to some other moms at the bus stop, yelled at him too. She said, "Come on, I don't have all day!"
My daughter said she got a stomach ache and felt horrible for the grandfather all day. Of course she did. She lost her own great grandmother just a few short months ago and misses her very much. My children always had tremendous respect and love for her...every time she came to visit us my daughter would share her room with her and even cuddle up with her in bed.
The point of this story is that bullying stems from a disrespect for others and learning respect starts at home. The mother's own attitude towards the grandfather was of impatience and annoyance and she said nothing to correct her son for calling his grandfather a "big idiot." If they are treating the grandfather like this at home constantly, then they are actually bullying him and the son is learning this bullying behavior from his parents in his very own home.
I hope they will understand that their behavior will have to change...Florida's new anti-bully policy in schools makes parents accountable!
Read more about the passing of the anti-bullying policy at http://www.proudparenting.com/node/1919
In very vivid detail she told me the story of what happened one morning at the bus stop. A 9 year old boy was waiting for the bus with his mother and elderly grandfather. The bus was arriving and apparently the grandfather was in the process of crossing the street. The boy ran across the street quickly to board the bus and when he saw his grandfather still moving slowly he yelled out, "Get out of the way you big idiot!"
Then the mother, who jumped in her car to leave after talking to some other moms at the bus stop, yelled at him too. She said, "Come on, I don't have all day!"
My daughter said she got a stomach ache and felt horrible for the grandfather all day. Of course she did. She lost her own great grandmother just a few short months ago and misses her very much. My children always had tremendous respect and love for her...every time she came to visit us my daughter would share her room with her and even cuddle up with her in bed.
The point of this story is that bullying stems from a disrespect for others and learning respect starts at home. The mother's own attitude towards the grandfather was of impatience and annoyance and she said nothing to correct her son for calling his grandfather a "big idiot." If they are treating the grandfather like this at home constantly, then they are actually bullying him and the son is learning this bullying behavior from his parents in his very own home.
I hope they will understand that their behavior will have to change...Florida's new anti-bully policy in schools makes parents accountable!
Read more about the passing of the anti-bullying policy at http://www.proudparenting.com/node/1919
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