Friday, November 13, 2009

Diena Thompson on Dr. Phil Show- "I've received hate mail"

Last night I caught a segment on Dr. Phil with Deina Thompson. The incredibly distraught mother who's young daughter was abducted and murdered on her way home from school was invited on the show for an episode about how to protect our children from predators.

I was shocked at the end of her segment when Deina said that she's received hate mail. There are people out there who have actually taken time out of their own lives and time to put ink to paper to tell this mother that she was at fault for her daughter's murder and should be put in jail!

I would foremost want to tell Deina Thompson that under no circumstance, no how, no way, is she responsible for her daughter's death. The person whose hand murdered Somer is solely responsible. Deina, like many, many, many parents, allowed her children to walk to and from school because the school does not provide bus service to their neighborhoods. Should the school be labeled murderous for not providing the bus service? Of course not. And so, of course, neither should Deina.

With that said, I had to examine why people would put the blame on Deina in the first place...and then go so far as to send her hate mail to tell her so?!

Then I recognized the link between this occurrence and my work with the Tomgirlz. Through the book ABBEY'S TURN, I look at the issues of bullying. It is a children's book and most often thought of as a child's problem, but bullying occurs at all stages in life. In fact, it is often said that parents need to be part of the solution. I believe that it is adults like those who wrote those letters that teach their children the bullying behavior in the first place and unwittingly perpetuate the problem.

Bullies almost always seek a victim to tear down in order to build themselves up in some way. They do not have enough confidence or belief in their own dreams and goals, so they spend their time instead lashing out against someone else. Does this really make them feel better? I doubt it...but it does work in most cases to make the victim feel really, really bad.

And so, Deina Thompson, cry for your daughter, but do not shed one tear of guilt that these people would put on you to cover up something they themselves feel guilty about in their own lives. Know that their words express the pain of their own problems and have nothing to do with you. Do not allow yourself to be victimized all over again.