5 Ways to Prevent Your Child From Being a Bully

With all the talk about bullying and anti-bully policies taking over school curriculum, one thing is clear...everyone agrees that prevention starts at home! But many parents aren't aware of the problem, what to look for, or what to do.

Here are 5 ways to ensure your child grows up with great self esteem and confidence...and there is no such thing as a bully with great self esteem or confidence!

1. BE AN EXAMPLE - Let your child see you as kind, patient, and respectful of others. That doesn't mean be a push over. It is just as important to show your child how to resolve conflicts in a strong and controlled manner without resorting to shouting or violence.

2. START EARLY - From the time your baby can show emotion, start correcting poor behavior. Don't accept things such as hitting, pushing, or teasing, as child's play. Let them know that it is wrong. At the same time, let them know how good they make others feel when they are kind, share, or even just smile.

3. SET RULES AT HOME ABOUT BULLYING - Your child hears all the rules and policies at school, but these rules should be set at home long before your child even goes to school. The younger a child is when "rules" such as no hitting, put downs, teasing, etc are taught, the more embedded it will be in their subconscious mind and the less likely they will are to become a bully.

4. BE AWARE AND DON'T IGNORE THE SIGNS - Know what bullying is. Think about times that you yourself have been bullied or bullied someone else and make sure you yourself fully understand that that's not normal (if you don't know what bullying is, then you can't help your child). If you see signs in your child such as disrespectful behavior and attitudes, putting others down, anger, frustration, etc...don't let it slide until it escalates. Catch these things at the onset and you stand a much better chance of prevention.

5. CONSTANT COMMUNICATION - Don't figure you can have a talk once with your child. Tell them why they can't hit Tommy or Patty when it happens. Tell them how Jane might feel if they tease her. Ask questions to get your child talking about their behavior and then actively LISTEN. And then keep asking and listening. It may be the same discussion for weeks at a time, but stay patient and persistent and your child will eventually get it.

If you are interested in a new book for elementary aged children that can help open the dialog about bullying, or having an anti-bully seminar/author visit for your school, organization, or youth group, visit www.TOMGIRLZ.com

SHY IS NOTHING MORE THAN A LIMITING LABEL

I am one of those people who unfortunately spent most of my life defining myself by what others called me or even self imposed labels that are very limiting. Perhaps the most debilitating label I slapped on myself was the term SHY.

Anytime we allow ourselves to be labeled, we make ourselves "smaller" to fit the label (because in reality we are too complex to ever truly fit any label). To fit this label, I made it very difficult on myself to do many of the things I hoped to. I would never raise my hand in class (never mind speak out!), struggled to build friendships, and hid behind my poor mother's legs if she even dared try to introduce me to someone.

One specific example I can think of was the time I wanted to try out for a town play. My parents took me to the audition at the high school, we went through the registration process, and my name was called out several times. Each time I said I wasn’t ready to audition yet. Finally (at least 6 hours later!), the last person completed their audition and I still could not bring myself to climb the steps to the stage. Those three little steps might as well have been Mt. Kilimanjaro! My parents stayed at my side the entire time and then drove me home as I berated myself for not even trying.

I battled this self imposed label for years, but have made a decision to stop using this word as a description for myself. I made a breakthrough and will never use the word shy as a label for myself. I may still have feelings of insecurity now and then (that's normal), but "shy" is no longer a label that defines me. Now I LOVE standing up before a group of children or parents and speaking about topics I am passionate about and I'm glad to say I am happier and more fulfilled because of it.