The TOMGIRLZ chapter books are all about creating characters that are role models for girls. They display strength of character, respect for themselves and others, and an attitude that they can achieve anything in life they choose to reach for.
All mothers hope their young daughters will grow up to be achieving women one day. They will be our leaders and healers and saviors. The more role models and positive messages our young girls receive the more they will realize that making dreams come true lies in their own hands.
It's really important to celebrate the women in history that paved the way. As early as the 1970's there was very little serious study of women's history, but thankfully today nearly every college offers courses in women's history. Partially the shift is due to the women's movement of the 60's. Women became tired of being virtually invisible behind the hands of men and started speaking out and acting out. In the 70's the emphasis of history changed from being primarily political to including an array of American Life topics such as public health, ethnic culture, and urban poverty which also increased awareness of women in history.
The date March 8, 1957 was the initial day of demonstration in the U.S. celebrating the strengths and accomplishments of girls and women. In 1981 the celebration became known as "National Women's History Week" and in 1987 it was expanded to include the entire month of May.
Celebrating the accomplishments of women is important for our girls. The more they learn from other women who are courageous, smart, entrepreneurial, and leaders in the world, the more they will feel empowered themselves. The true sign of a role model for girls, however, is that all these great things are done with the absence of jealousy, cliques, and "cattiness."
I want my daughter to excel and be a leader, but I want her to always do so with a kind heart. Then we'll always have something to celebrate.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Positive Messages Must Be Repeated
If you are the mother of an awesome, good humored, high spirited young girl like I am, you want her to stay that way. But as our tweens become teens, it is evident that many girls change. Why? Well, there are many reasons, but if we as mothers stay aware and repeat the positive messages our girls need to hear over and over and over, I believe we have a chance of winning the battle.
Here are some things I worry about:
1. One bad teacher
I've seen this happen more than once. A child can have straight A's in 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade....all of a sudden she gets into 4th grade (or whatever grade in which the child is placed with the "bad" teacher) and the grades mysteriously drop! Unfortunately, the child may not go back to the straight A's even after moving on to a new teacher. This can be due to falling behind and not being able to catch up, or perhaps because self confidence turns into self doubt. I don't think teachers intend to be "bad" for any child. Sometimes the teaching style just doesn't match the child's learning style. It is unfortunate that in the day of large classes teachers do not take the time to figure out how each student learns (visual, auditory, tactile...) Students are left to figure things out no matter how it is fed to them instead of the teacher adapting to the needs of each child.
What to do? First, follow grades and mood changes very closely so any problems can be caught immediately. If changing teachers is not possible, you will need to assist in every way with homework and checking papers, and any other support you can give. You could also get a tutor if possible and sit in on some of those sessions. Either way, talk positively to your child and never yell or punish. Children never want their grades to drop; there is always a reason. Be encouraging and repeat the "you can do it" messages constantly.
2. Peers
Your child's friends don't have to be "bad" to have what you may consider to be a negative influence. They may simply have different beliefs or priorities that you don't share. Don't get me wrong...this doesn't mean you should ban your child from being friends with anyone who is different from you. Quite the contrary, I think it is very important to not only be around people who are different, but to learn from them. The problem is when your child changes who she is to impress them or feels like she has to change herself to fit in.
What to do if you see your child changing to fit in?
This is going to take lots of talk, talk, talk. Don't ever put others down to show that your way is right; instead ask your child to discuss the differences she sees. What she likes, what makes her uncomfortable, anything at all to get her talking. Explain that there are many differences in people; that's what makes our world so rich. It's okay to learn about the beliefs and ways of others and those people can be great friends as long as they are willing to learn about and respect you too. It's a two way street.
Example:
My daughter was always very strong and competitive. In gymnastics she was surrounded by others just like her and she was an achiever. Later, she left gymnastics for dance and acrobatics. She became very good friends with the girls in the dance company. This was also a competitive team, but the girls' priorities were different. They were more into socializing and winning wasn't as important. I watched as my daughter's own priorities changed. She got a dance solo, but didn't practice as hard as she normally would. She started to complain more and didn't put more than 75% into her training when it used to be 110%. When I discussed it with her, she told me that she was afraid that if she worked so hard the other girls would think she was a show off. It took lots of talk for her to understand that the other girls weren't wrong for how they were, but they certainly wouldn't be upset with her for being a winner!
Staying on top of these situations and constantly talking and repeating positive messages can be exhausting, but it is absolutely necessary and isn't it rewarding to see your child not only maintain her bright spirit, but be a leader by passing it onto others?
Here are some things I worry about:
1. One bad teacher
I've seen this happen more than once. A child can have straight A's in 1st grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade....all of a sudden she gets into 4th grade (or whatever grade in which the child is placed with the "bad" teacher) and the grades mysteriously drop! Unfortunately, the child may not go back to the straight A's even after moving on to a new teacher. This can be due to falling behind and not being able to catch up, or perhaps because self confidence turns into self doubt. I don't think teachers intend to be "bad" for any child. Sometimes the teaching style just doesn't match the child's learning style. It is unfortunate that in the day of large classes teachers do not take the time to figure out how each student learns (visual, auditory, tactile...) Students are left to figure things out no matter how it is fed to them instead of the teacher adapting to the needs of each child.
What to do? First, follow grades and mood changes very closely so any problems can be caught immediately. If changing teachers is not possible, you will need to assist in every way with homework and checking papers, and any other support you can give. You could also get a tutor if possible and sit in on some of those sessions. Either way, talk positively to your child and never yell or punish. Children never want their grades to drop; there is always a reason. Be encouraging and repeat the "you can do it" messages constantly.
2. Peers
Your child's friends don't have to be "bad" to have what you may consider to be a negative influence. They may simply have different beliefs or priorities that you don't share. Don't get me wrong...this doesn't mean you should ban your child from being friends with anyone who is different from you. Quite the contrary, I think it is very important to not only be around people who are different, but to learn from them. The problem is when your child changes who she is to impress them or feels like she has to change herself to fit in.
What to do if you see your child changing to fit in?
This is going to take lots of talk, talk, talk. Don't ever put others down to show that your way is right; instead ask your child to discuss the differences she sees. What she likes, what makes her uncomfortable, anything at all to get her talking. Explain that there are many differences in people; that's what makes our world so rich. It's okay to learn about the beliefs and ways of others and those people can be great friends as long as they are willing to learn about and respect you too. It's a two way street.
Example:
My daughter was always very strong and competitive. In gymnastics she was surrounded by others just like her and she was an achiever. Later, she left gymnastics for dance and acrobatics. She became very good friends with the girls in the dance company. This was also a competitive team, but the girls' priorities were different. They were more into socializing and winning wasn't as important. I watched as my daughter's own priorities changed. She got a dance solo, but didn't practice as hard as she normally would. She started to complain more and didn't put more than 75% into her training when it used to be 110%. When I discussed it with her, she told me that she was afraid that if she worked so hard the other girls would think she was a show off. It took lots of talk for her to understand that the other girls weren't wrong for how they were, but they certainly wouldn't be upset with her for being a winner!
Staying on top of these situations and constantly talking and repeating positive messages can be exhausting, but it is absolutely necessary and isn't it rewarding to see your child not only maintain her bright spirit, but be a leader by passing it onto others?
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